


❝even through tears he can see rainbows❞

by orphan_account



Series: There's no room for sunlight [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Romance, M/M, Mild Gore, Poetic, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22877413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He is seeking for the last fragment of happiness where there is none.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Series: There's no room for sunlight [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644487
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	❝even through tears he can see rainbows❞

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda graphic?   
> Definitely not for everyone.

A flower crown around his neck as a noose to hang him, but even so he can see the soft purples and pinks clinging onto the clouds. He would cling onto them too, if he could. Pretending to be a fallen angel, holding onto the last remains of heaven.

Tiny stars blinked at him. Probably judging the way his tears blocked his sight, and when his lashes got heavy, the tears jumped down free willingly, having no sense of life and death, just wanting to end up somewhere where they could float in their own bubble, maybe reincarnating as a butterfly, fluttering around the earth for a few days and then dying once again.

Even when he was crying he could see rainbows. Just those little, simple things that brought him hope, yet the hope dies each and every day along with the sun and butterflies.

Moths behind his window sing him a lullaby each and every night as he paints his perfect death. Drying his tears in lilies and white mums. Pushing some yellow paint in his mouth, choking on his fingers, then deciding he's found his happiness.

He never understood the secrets his lovers lips told him, if they even were secrets, perhaps they were lies instead. But most of the time, when in fever, they sounded like nonsense.

A hot breath on his suffocating the thought he actually might be loved.

But even so, he could see rainbows in the other`s eyes. And he wondered how it feels to be one of God's favorites.

Yet his so said lover always refuses, saying that he is his favorite flower, his favourite star in the sky, his favorite shade of yellow and the most vibrant rainbow after the rain.

Renjun simply could die in Jaemin`s arms.

Each and every compliment given to him feels as if jaemin`s fingers are digging deep into a fresh wound, making the pain ache for longer and scream louder for mercy.

Once renjun thought jaemin was his antidepressant, though, he might be, but with awfully real side effects. Except he didn't feel a single spark of joy, artificial or real. Jaemin kept showering him in kisses, gentle touches and heart fluttering compliments, except renjuns heart didn't flutter, neither did it beat. His emotions were already incapable of getting through a crowd of grey mass and shine through, expressing themselves.

But then again…. Jaemin had a halo hovering above his head, gold dripping down his hair and onto his wings. Under renjun`s touch the gold turned black, dull. No shine left to reflect back at least some remains of light, life and hope.

If jaemin`s skin glimmered under the sunlight, as it was made of tiny crystals, renjun drowned in the cloth of his coffin, the dark wood adorning his pale skin.

Nonetheless, jaemin kissed his lips of red apples like a prince with snow white, only difference being that renjun would not wake up. He would continue to lay there until his skin would rot and bones turn into dust.

Birds flew over his head. The wind danced with the grass and played with wheat. Clouds rushed in the sky, being torn into pieces until they were all melting into one. The sun hid behind the horizon and rain trickled down, falling just like his tears. 

A warm hand met his, fingers tangling together until they were in a tight embrace. He didn't look at his lover, just kept on searching for the rainbow between the grey sky and the muddy field.

The breeze had dried his eyes and blushed his cheeks, lips turning purple from the coldness. His bare feet stuck in place. His mind was in purgatory, stuck between two worlds. He couldn't find a way out of the maze.

The strong wind pulling at his clothes made him think of the day he saw the vibrant arch of colours while the sun burnt his skin. Lily of valleys mocking him, writing down his future of misery.


End file.
